Dissertation and idleness. Those are the two extremes on what has very much been a sliding scale of emotions and productivity for me over the last couple of months. Before the idleness, however, came the 'Big D' and I think that enough time has elapsed for me to be able to properly reflect on it.
It was a curious experience for me. The biggest hurdle was getting over the disappointment of not enjoying my dissertation as much as I thought I would. When I set out to 're-think liability for defective products' back at the start of fourth year, I had the genuine belief that I could make a valuable contribution to the product liability debate. I set myself up for a fall.
Researching took longer than I had anticipated, with dark hours spent with ultimately unused sources sending, even to this day, shivers down my spine. Then came the writing process. Having never focused so much on a particular area of law, I was unsure what to expect when it came to grinding out 10000 words on my topic. Without expectations surely one cannot be left feeling dejected or frustrated when the going gets tough? Wrong. I quickly learned that dissertation writing is a cumbersome, protracted and emotionally undulating process - certainly one that I do not want to repeat in a hurry.
My mindset before the first words were tentatively tapped out was that I had written four 6000 word essays in the year preceding my dissertation, so this would be fine. Wrong again. With me in charge of my title and argument, each of the 10000 words were in a sense 'up for grabs'. For an essay (where the title is provided) the argument is sketched out already and the writer simply has to hit a number of prerequisites on a certain topic for the essay to be passable. Leaving aside the requests of a demanding supervisor, the dissertation does not have such an agenda, with headings and structure proving to be two of the most difficult challenges I faced. Aside from the obvious differences (I did the maths: 6000 is definitely less than 10000) my essay writing experience prepared me to no great extent for this beast of a thing.
On the 25th March my dissertation looked the part and, minus a few tweaks for typos and grammar, was set to go. This was when the biggest disappointment came for me. I remember someone saying at the start of the process that the dissertation is the crowing glory of a degree - the cherry on top of the cake, if you will. It was going to be something I would loath and enjoy in equal measure, building to a sense of pride when I finished it. I certainly felt loathing and I might have enjoyed myself at times, but I certainly was not proud of my work at the end. It was an anti-climax brought on by expectations implanted by others and the high bar that I have set myself over the years. If anything, and contrary to what I was told at the start of the year, my success during my time at university made my dissertation experience less enjoyable than it might otherwise have been.
A victim of my own success? Maybe. But the lack of pride at the 9822 words that I eventually submitted is certainly made up for through my satisfaction about the work that came before it. As with the dissertation, there have been highs and lows through my four years at university but overall I will spend the summer knowing that I did a good job during that time.
I will not be 're-thinking liability for defective products' any time soon, but my disappointment about my dissertation experience will not have me re-thinking my time at university either. I don't even like cherries on cakes anyway.
Thanks for reading,
Martin
