Everyday life is full of 'fine lines'. There is a fine line between something being funny and something being offensive. There is a fine line between dressing well and dressing badly. There is a fine line between your food tasting lovely and it being just OK. Then there is another line that I've seen many people cross (or even dance over) in my time: that is the line between confidence and over-confidence. We've all seen it and we all know people that frequent the wrong side of it on a regular basis. As a continuation of the theme of this week's writing (slightly philosophical for those that didn't notice a pattern!), I'm going to suggest that there is another one of those lines to do with confidence. It's one that takes conscious thought to create but nevertheless one that I think we're all capable of conjuring up when we need to, whether that be a good thing or a bad one. That line is the one between having confidence and having none.
I admit from the outset that this line that I speak of is not necessarily 'fine' - in fact I would go as far to say that the line varies in its size from person to person. A discussion should probably be had of what confidence actually means to people as well but for the sake of this post I'm going try and make sure that my ideas fit in with a wide range of what people perceive to be 'confidence', whether that be confidence in oneself, confidence in someone else, confidence about the future etc.
I constantly lambaste myself for having no confidence. My friends will be tired of hearing about it and the readers of this blog will no doubt be tired of reading about it - if you fall into both of those categories I salute you! The funny thing with the concept of having 'confidence' is that you almost get to make a choice whether you have it or not. Some people don't have to make that choice and are naturally confident but others have to deal with the thoughts in their heads that they don't have any confidence and then have to overcome that.
It's a 'decision' that I've thought a lot about, especially since I went to university. In the latter teenage years, inhibitions are higher than ever before. As children you almost don't care what people think; then you start to become conscious of yourself and how you are perceived by others. It's an odd, but completely natural, progression from confidence not being an issue to it being one of your worst enemies. You end up convincing yourself that you have no confidence and that's that settled. This post is being written to suggest that there is a simple choice that can be made which, over time, will result in you having complete control over any confidence issues you might have - think I might read it when I'm done to see if it helps.
The decision is not a hard and fast one about being confident. I'm not saying that you wake up one day and say 'today I will be confident in everything that I do' and then everything is solved. Well, that will work to a certain extent but that is more to do with what mood you are in when you wake up and start your day rather than actually being confident. The decision that I am suggesting people with such issues make is to become confident rather then to just be confident. I started a job (my first ever) this week and I was pretty nervous before my first couple of shifts. If the truth is to be told actually, I'm still a bit nervous about the rest of the week but the reason for that is that I'm still letting myself be convinced that I'm not a confident person.
So what do I suggest that I do for myself then? I need to go to work in the right frame of mind (boom, decision made) and then do my shift in that frame of mind for its duration. Then I have to continually do that until I don't have to make that decision - until I don't have to consciously take the step from having not confidence to actually being confident. This thought process is one about learning to be confidence more than anything else.
People talk about stepping out of comfort zones but I don't think that saying you have comfort zones is a healthy mindset - certainly not one that is compatible with the ideas above. If you tell yourself that you have comfort zones then you will always have to make the step over that (bold or fine) line. If you can convince yourself that you are comfortable anywhere (or at least that you have the ability to be comfortable anywhere) then soon, I hope, confidence will no longer be an issue.
Admittedly this was a little bit of a self-help post in that it probably helps me more than it helps others. However I believe that if you do have confidence issues (like I annoyingly keep convincing myself that I do) then the ideas and advice above, if read in your personal context, should help. For some confidence is a part of who they are and for others it is a constant battle but at the end of the day it is just a state of mind that can controlled with a little bit of positive thought once in a while.
Martin
