What a difference a week makes. I was sitting on this very chair this time last week worrying about the fact that I only had one essay finished, another getting there and one that wasn't even started. I now sit here with 2 done and one more following not far behind and that's a good feeling. I probably shouldn't be writing this tonight because some of my peers will read this thinking that they've got a little way to go yet - but I have my reasons. Firstly I didn't fancy doing any substantial work on the day of my deadline because I think that would result in an ironic death by stress. I've also got an all day shift on Sunday at work and I couldn't bare the thought of spending all day in a supermarket worrying about my essays while everyone went on with their lives, buying crap they don't need - if anyone asks I didn't say that.
So I sit here a few days ahead of my deadline with mixed emotions about what has been one of the hardest periods in my academic life. It got to the stage that I was pining after exams and that's a dark place that nobody really ever wants to visit - this gives some idea of how difficult this whole thing has been. Has is been a success? Well the definitive answer to that question will come when my essays have been marked by my intellectual superiors. At the moment, with my pessimism being just about the only thing I've got left in me just now, I don't think I've delivered 3 good essays. But then again, who am I to say that? I've stumbled out of exam halls in the past hating myself and then I've not done too badly there - only the future knows what it holds.
What now for me? Well I think I'm entitled to a beer or 5 after this last week which has been pretty intense from start to finish. I also think I'm entitled to a good knees-up with my mates next week - you know who you are, be warned. If anything, I just want to put this last month or so behind me and move on with next semester. I'll worry about essays when the date is set for my marks to be released because, as I'm always told by those more level-headed than myself, there's nothing I can do about it once they have been submitted. And when they do come out I'll just have to go with the flow and deal with what comes my way. I sound very passive about the whole thing but I'm really not; it's just the only way to think a few days before the biggest deadline of my life to date.
The good thing (if it can really be called that) is that I've learned a lot of lessons about myself in terms of essay writing and preparation which I can carry forward and draw from next year. Any experience is good experience and even though I've had a shock to the system this year, I'll be sure not to let it happen when it comes around again.
I hope others have had a more fruitful essay writing period than I have just described and that everyone gets what they deserve from their hard work - I know how hard you've all worked to get your 18000 words out recently!
More blogging to come soon I hope - can't promise anything!
Martin
