It was pointed out to me the other day - in fact, on many occasions - that my posts are usually quite bleak affairs. This is partly by design and partly a reflection of what my mood is when I write, particularly recently. If it's not been one thing that's been getting me down recently, then it's been another thing. Then I read a book: a book that has shifted my view of things ever so slightly.
We should first reflect on the fact that I've managed to read a whole book that hasn't got anything to do with law. The content of the book (as you will soon find out) was very helpful but maybe the fact that I wasn't completely absorbed in studying might have helped with this 'slight shift' that has had a potentially profound effect on the way that I think. Sometimes the problem can simply be solved by stepping away for a moment - people will quote that when I'm famous.
It would be all too easy to blame my dourness purely on university. For those of you that are currently studying a university or college course, if you listen to yourself for a moment, you'll notice that you use studying as the reason for everything that is negative in your life. Why are you tired? University. What is stressing you out? University. Why did you snap at me? University. I think you get the point because you were the point there.
What was this book that I read then? Before that, let me tell you how I came to own this book. It was the afternoon after the night before. That 'night before' was the 'biggest' night in the Edinburgh law student's calendar: the annual Law Ball. After queuing all night for a ticket a few weeks before, I has it set in my mind that this was going to be the best night out that I'd ever had. Thankfully, for the most part, it was a great night out, spent with my great friends in a great environment. As is all too often the case, however, the night didn't end all that well - I won't go into details but alcohol was involved. Almost as soon as the night had started, it had come to a sticky end and all that was before me was the reality of university again - this is necessary dourness for the purposes of what follows!
I was sitting in the train station waiting for my train home (as one so often does when one is in a train station) when I saw a promotion in the W H Smith (other newsagents are available) on the other side of the concourse. The book was (and still is) simply called 'Clarity' and nothing in that moment could have defined what I was searching for more than clarity. I looked it up on my phone to see what the uninhibited folk of the internet were saying about it and, on the power of this, I went over and bought it. Those of you that frequent Edinburgh Waverley on a regular basis might be thinking 'wasn't that the book that was half price?'. Yes it was but, had I known better, I would have bought it anyway.
It would take a must longer post (maybe even a book) for me to properly reflect on what this book has 'said' to me. I'm going to pin-point one of the main things though, so as to keep this post as short as possible. The basic premise of the book is that there is a basic misunderstanding that our experience of life comes from the outside of us, rather than the inside. The books main message is that 100% of our experience of life comes from our thought - i.e. from the inside-out rather than the outside-in. OK, so that sounds very mushy and philosophical but if you think about it and/or read the book you'll understand it more.
Something that stems from this 'misunderstanding' is our delusion about what creates our emotions and states of mind. THIS is the main thing that I've taken from the post. The model (pulled straight from Jamie Smart's book) is:
"[circumstance] causes [core state]"
I'll give you an example from my own life to display why this made so much sense to me. I didn't get my first job until I was 20. Some people around me (including my sister) had jobs since they were 16. When my sister got her first job, my family and I witnessed her change from being shy to being outgoing and very (very) talkative - I wanted a slice of the action. For 4 years I failed to get a job, either through laziness or lack of experience. I felt that, when I did finally get a job, I would benefit from the same transformation that my sister had when she started working. To fit it into Smart's model: when I get a job, I will be more confident and when I'm more confident, I will be happier. You can imagine my delight when I finally nailed an interview and got offered a job last summer. I'm not going to say that I'm not more confident now that I've got a job (I talk to about 400 people during each of my 10/11 hour shifts every week) but I haven't really noticed a difference. I was delusional to think that gaining employment = confident and happiness.
Let me give you another example. When people get ready for exams, their two most common thoughts will be: 1) I'll be happy when these exams are over; and 2) I'll be content when I pass all of my exams/I'll ruin my future unless I do really well. Taking the 1st of these delusions, it's often an awesome feeling when you finish your exams and go out that night and have a good time. A week later, however, the reality of 3 empty months of the summer hits and we start searching for things that will make us happy again. Taking the 2nd delusion, it's a great feeling when you get your results through and you've done well (I think I made my ears ring when I shouted in delight after getting my 2nd year results) but that feeling usually wears off as you realise that it's just another small step in a very long journey.
Jamie Smart's message (and, by extension, mine) is not that these are not good things. It is instead that all these emotions are 100% of what you are thinking in the moment. It is impossible to sustain the feeling of happiness that comes from exam results - it happens, you move on. If we then apply this notion (of what Smart calls 'innate thinking') to negative feelings, it is much easier to have a clear mind most of the time. Take my recent essay results. I didn't do as well as I hoped overall and felt like things were crumbling down around me. Had I read the book by that point, I would have been able to think 'these feelings of disappointment come 100% from what I'm thinking just now'. This would allow my thoughts to reset to the 'default setting of clarity', allowing me to gain some perspective before realising that it's not the end of the world.
I can't really summarise the book; I wouldn't even dare. In summary of the points that I've raised here, once we realise that our feelings in the moment come 100% from the thoughts that we are having we can see things with more clarity. So instead of deluding ourselves that having X will make us happy, we should spend more time 'living in the moment', allowing ourselves to be happy for a longer period of time, regardless of whether we achieve X or not.
Now I'm a very driven person, at least when I get going. I can also procrastinate and feel as unmotivated as best of them. I often get very down on myself (going back to how I opened this post) but I can also be very happy. My mindset recently has been as a result of my reaction to essay results, lacking confidence, looming exams etc. After reading Jamie Smart's books, I now see that my response to all of these things has been because of a lack of clarity and a delusion about what the effects of those things might be.
I'm going to leave you with a set of false statements, based on Smart's model, which have dogged me recently but don't any longer:
- If I get a job I'll have more confidence.
- If I get a girlfriend I'll be at my happiest.
- As as result of not doing well in my essays I've damaged my chances of getting a good degree, and without a good degree I won't be able to get a good job.
- If I don't do well in my exams, my future will be ruined.
- If I do well in my exams I will be happy and content.
- If I learn just one more juggling trick I won't have to learn anymore because I'll be happy with what I know.
- If I don't prepare well for this class then I might as well forget being able to answer any questions about it in the exam.
- If I finish this eye-opening book by Jamie Smart, I will 'achieve' clarity straight away and will never have to worry about anything ever again.
I think that everyone should read this book at some point if they are feeling a bit lost or they feel like they're waiting for their life to start. Having read the book I don't feel enlightened or 'better' but I do feel like I've got a tool that I can use to 'fix' any problems that I'm having with my thinking - it might prove useful.
Thanks for reading. Sorry about the length of this post but the fact that you've read to the end means that you might take something important away of it.
Martin
P.S.
I'm not sure if there is still a promotion on the book in W H Smith but you can get it on Amazon nevertheless - it'll be one of your best investments this year!
