Someone once said that they wanted my eyes. I was reluctant, as one would be, but considered the options nevertheless. What was I going to get in return? What were they planning to do with my eyes? What would I do without them? Where does one acquire new eyes? These were all of the questions that didn't go through my head as I sat on a bed with a long-lost female friend. I look back on that now and wonder (a) why do I remember her saying this to me? and (b) was she only in it for the eyes? I remember her saying it to me because I remember lots of useless things. Was she only in it for the eyes? I've never heard of that before, but knowing my luck it was probably as good as I was going to get.
Her statement, which has honestly stuck with me for a good five years, sent me almost straight to the mirror. After asking why she 'wanted my eyes' she said something about how interesting they were and how I had a 'glint' in my eye - I paraphrase of course. I don't have very distinguishing features (aside from the nose that I am so often reminded about) so as soon as I had the chance I went to look at my eyes - I had to see what she was talking about. The funny thing was that I saw exactly what she was talking about which, coming from a guy who will put himself down quicker than a dog with one leg, is a quite a big statement.
After that experience, I have always kept an eye on my eyes - if that makes sense. All the way through high school I could still see what she was talking about and when I went to university I took them with me in the same state - of course I took them with me. I occasionally caught that 'glint' that I had seen a few years before and, secretly, I held it as meaning that there was real life in me.
Sadly, as with all positive stories that I write about myself on this blog, there is a corner to turn: into Negative Street. That's just off Quality Street - what a sweet joke. I looked into those same eyes a few days ago and something wasn't right. The first thing that I noticed was the rather alarming darkness developing under my eyes. I get plenty of sleep but something about this darkness seemed to resonate with my current mindset - sad really.
Then I looked at my eyes and, you guessed it, that glint had gone. It is as though any sign of life had been drawn from them, stored somewhere in my head to be brought out for a better day - that's a good song, I'll link at the end. I don't know where it has gone but it makes sense that it's not there anymore. I don't feel like I should have any life in my eyes at the moment. Something feels like its missing and a look into my eyes shows this.
I've since managed to shift that darkness (honestly it was a bit scary) but my eyes still don't sparkle the way that they used to - I would quite like that back soon. I guess if I was to offer my eyes to that same girl who requested them all those years ago, she wouldn't be interested and might even give me an eye instead - a black one that is.
So there you go. Another post to make you feel good about yourself and sorry for me - que sera sera.
Thanks for reading,
Martin
P.S. here's that song I said I would link:
